Irritation
by Lexical Item
Summary: The psychiatrist spoke. "You might as well help yourself to a book, as it is your time that we're wasting." "You don't consider this a waste of your time?" Artemis enquired. "Oh no," the psychiatrist replied offhand. "I'm getting paid."
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I don't own _Artemis Fowl_ either

**Irritation**

Today Artemis had settled on kleptomania. He had considered trying for something a little more inventive, but this was a new physiatrist and he wanted room to escalate. That generally made things more entertaining and facilitated the hapless doctors' breakdown. Ideally he wouldn't be seeing anyone at all, but after his treatment of St. Bartleby's counsellors, the school had given his mother the ultimatum of professional help or expulsion. The only reason that Artemis had capitulated was that he had decided that the only way he was going to be free of these 'professionals' was to break a succession of them, until either they refused to treat him or his mother gave up out of compassion.

When he entered the psychiatrist's room he gravitated towards the bookshelf. Aside from the psychological texts, there was a healthy collection indicative of somewhat eclectic tastes. While it was likely there for show, there were a couple of obscure titles that Artemis couldn't help but approve of. The psychiatrist himself was reading over some notes.

Artemis took a seat and uttered a long-suffering sigh. The other was probably going to keep reading his notes as a way to gain the upper hand and try and demonstrate that Artemis was beneath him in some way. It was childish and highly ineffective. He was almost relieved that the man looked up as soon as Artemis sat. He picked up a clipboard with a crisp sheet of paper fastened to it. Then he sat back and watched Artemis, clearly waiting for him to initiate. It was almost refreshing. Then again, it might have been a more subtle game.

"I assume that you know how infantile staring contests are?" Artemis finally began.

The psychiatrist made a brief note on his clipboard and then looked up again. Artemis' expression was completely neutral. Then the psychiatrist offered his own long-suffering sigh that was a passable imitation of Artemis'.

The psychiatrist spoke. "You might as well help yourself to a book, as it is your time that we're wasting."

"You don't consider this a waste of _your _time?" Artemis enquired.

"Oh no," the psychiatrist replied offhand. "_I'm_ getting paid."

Artemis thought for a moment before allowing his face to crumple into a look of abject sorrow. He had found that most psychiatrists had established themselves out of a desire to help others and that this expression went straight to their hindbrains.

"I just feel so alone, sometimes the burden of intellect separates…" Artemis trailed off when the doctor made another brief note on his clipboard and then went back to looking at him. His expression was bored and he was clearly unconvinced.

Artemis sighed again. A part of him knew it was logical to simply take up the offer of the bookshelf and occupy himself. But he had this irrational desire to compete. There was something about the individual before him that he found highly irritating. Then again, that was probably his intent.

"May I enquire after your notes?" Artemis began.

"Of course, I am merely noting your defence mechanisms for my own amusement. I have two so far and I'm expecting another one shortly."

Artemis smirked. "Oh of course, let us all worship at the glorious might of the psychiatrist that can recognise defence mechanisms. That skill couldn't possibly be replicated by a high school psychology student."

The psychiatrist made another brief note and held up three fingers. Artemis just managed to keep the scowl off his face. He was being mocked.

The psychiatrist looked up again. "Look, you're obviously very smart, would you like to sit here for the hour and tell me just how smart you are?"

Artemis did in fact scowl this time.

"May I ask you a question?" The psychiatrist enquired.

"Please do," Artemis replied, keeping his voice level.

"Are you aware of the theory that children under the age of four are psychopaths?"

"It makes intuitive sense, but I was unaware that it was something as credible as a 'theory'," Artemis scoffed.

The psychiatrist waved away the comment. "The experiment was that children under the age of four were shown a box with something in it. They were asked if they knew what was in the box. Obviously the answer was no. Another child in the room was pointed out and again the children were asked if that other child in the corner knew what was in the box, the answer was no, once again."

Artemis nodded. He could see where this was going.

"The initial child was shown a figurine in the box, the child in the corner was not."

Artemis interrupted. "And then when asked if they knew what was in the box the answer was yes. However the significant result was that when asked if the child in the corner knew what was in the box they said yes, despite the fact that there was no way for that child to know it. Therefore they could not separate the perceptions of others from their own. In short, people were not seen as autonomous individuals. That is a key symptom of psychopathy." Artemis paused. "You wouldn't be the first to diagnose me as a psychopath, but you are the first persons to attribute it to my age and underdevelopment."

"Do you really think that that is the point I am trying to make?" The psychiatrist asked.

Artemis sighed. "Probably not."

"I was actually going to ask you a question about psychopathy. I was merely setting up a background."

"Then you really should have said that you were going to ask me two questions earlier." Artemis smiled, but motioned for him to continue.

"Very well. You explain empathy to a psychopath, who responds with a simple question, why would anyone want to feel empathy? Assuming that your goal is to convince him or her that empathy is a good thing, what would you say?"

Artemis blinked. He was used to roundabout questions that were mostly clumsy attempts to pry into his childhood or attempts uncover his underlying personality traits. This question was genuinely interesting and not all that easy to answer.

"How about you go and think about it and give me your answer next time you're here," the doctor suggested.

Artemis started. "It hasn't been an hour," he explained without looking at his watch. There were no other visible clocks in the room.

"Well, either way I get paid for the hour. Besides, I would think that you'd be glad to get away."

Artemis scrutinised the psychiatrist as he rose. The psychiatrist also rose to escort him to the door. At the door, Artemis couldn't help but needle the doctor one more time.

"So, you've read my file then," he asserted as he stepped over the threshold.

"No. Reading lists of other people's mistakes makes me depressed," the psychiatrist replied in a deadpan voice. Artemis turned and raised an eyebrow, but the good doctor simply closed the door.

Round one to the psychiatrist then.


	2. Chapter 2

Once again Artemis' psychiatrist was reading notes and he looked up as his patient sat down. Deciding against wasting his time, Artemis began.

"I have an answer to your question." He allowed a hint of smugness to enter his voice.

The psychiatrist raised an enquiring eyebrow.

"You would explain to the psychopath that empathy is something fundamental to the human experience and that without it he or she would never be able to belong in a meaningful sense. Without an insight into other people's perceptions and experiences there is no way to connect."

The psychiatrist snorted. "I'm offended that you think so little of me. That's the answer you think I want to hear. You could have at least given me the answer I expected to hear."

Artemis smiled. "You mean, that the insight gained by empathy better allows manipulation of those around you?" He asked innocently.

"Yes, that one." The doctor paused. "Then again you probably saw the flaw in that answer.

This time Artemis snorted. "Of course I did. Most psychopaths find it easy enough to manipulate others regardless of empathy. Now you're offending me."

"We're even then," the psychiatrist announced.

_Hardly_, Artemis thought.

"So what's your answer?" Artemis enquired.

The doctor didn't fall into the trap and draw attention to his patient's obvious evasion. Artemis was grudgingly impressed. It was very professional and showed that he had larger concerns than simply 'winning'.

"I have had a long time to consider the answer," the doctor begun.

"If you're trying to be consolatory, don't bother. It does not suit either of us."

The doctor smiled. "Very well. I would explain that empathy is necessary for people to work together. The group can achieve far more than the individual."

"I assume you see the flaw in that argument." It was not a question.

"Logic as a substitute for empathy? Or perhaps money to encourage cooperation?" The psychiatrist asked.

"The former," Artemis clarified.

"So in your scenario a group of individuals decide that it would be mutually beneficial to undertake a certain course of action. The logical conclusion is that they work together."

Artemis nodded, however he was already seeing the problem.

"Without empathy each individual would work to their best advantage. This would slow their project and perhaps even compromise it," the psychiatrist said.

Artemis thought for a moment. "That would happen only if their baser instincts, such as greed, overrode their logic."

"Ah, but it only takes one individual to decide that they can get away with doing less or receiving more in order to undermine the project. They could come to this decision based purely on logic. However if empathy were the driving force, the greater good would be served and all individuals would benefit."

Artemis allowed a measure of disdain to enter his gaze. "Your argument is based on altruistic empathy across all these people. Humans aren't like that."

The doctor smiled again, Artemis was beginning to find the expression disquieting. This was because that particular expression usually heralded a point that undermined his argument. "I agree with you completely, people aren't like that. They tend to be as empathetic as far as it suits them. However, you are surely not arguing that all people are flawlessly logical?"

Artemis allowed his own smile. "I see. People contain a higher level of innate empathy than innate logic. Also, you suggest a small amount of empathy far surpasses the contribution of a small amount of logic."

"Exactly, an individual would need flawless logic to over come their 'baser instincts' whereas a small amount of empathy would accomplish a similar task. It's a pleasure to work with someone who grasps things so quickly," the psychiatrist admitted.

Artemis frowned slightly. He was quite sure that the doctor meant it sincerely, but there was an edge of mockery to the phrase nonetheless.

It had occurred to Artemis that the psychiatrist was trying to make him appreciate empathy. If so, he was employing the most persuasive individual possible. In asking Artemis himself to defend the merits of empathy, it would encourage him to grant it more respect. However, Artemis felt that this was too simple an explanation. The psychiatrist knew that psychopathy was an incorrect diagnosis where Artemis was concerned.

At this point Artemis also realised that for the duration of their discussion, he had not once tried to destroy the psychiatrist. Was this the man's intent? He obviously knew the history behind the six school councillors that he had sent into early retirement. Artemis would have liked to think that fear was motivating the psychiatrist's behaviour, but Artemis was nothing if not realistic, and as such, he dismissed the idea. Distraction might be the goal, but fear was not the motivation.

When Artemis looked up he was unsurprised to see that the psychiatrist had gone back to his notes. However, he looked up when he felt Artemis' gaze on him.

"Thank you for leaving me to my thoughts," Artemis said. The psychiatrist was similarly unsurprised by this magnanimous offering.

"It was unlikely that you would wish to be disturbed and once again, it's your time and you may spend it in whatever manner you wish."

Pleased with the doctor's favourable assessment, Artemis decided to extend his own wry compliment. "It's a pleasure to work with someone who grasps things so quickly."

The psychiatrist snorted. "I'll wager it is."

There was pause as Artemis formulated a question. "Do you think of us as equals?"

He waited for the inevitable reversal where the psychiatrist would turn the same question to him.

"No," the psychiatrist replied.

A less controlled individual would have been outwardly surprised. Artemis opted to remain still for a few seconds instead. The psychiatrist had a faint smile on his face.

Artemis was unsure of the way in which the psychiatrist saw them as unequal. The man was arrogant, but was he going so far as to think himself above his patient, or was he merely accepting his limitations? Uncertainty was not something that Artemis experienced often, but it was never a pleasant sensation.

"You must realise that a question like that is extremely misleading," the psychiatrist finally continued.

"I realise that now, but at the time I was expecting a more straightforward answer."

"A more straightforward answer than 'no'?" The psychiatrist teased.

Artemis didn't glare.

The psychiatrist sighed. "You ask me poorly framed, broad questions because you expect me to answer in a certain way. Once again, I find myself vaguely insulted by your assumptions about me."

Artemis sighed and reluctantly asked, "how do you consider us unequal?"

"I'm surprised your pride allowed you to ask me that. In answer to your question, we are in a psychiatrist/patient relationship and that is necessarily unequal. I am also older and more experienced than you. You are also more intelligent than me – significantly so. In these ways we are unequal."

Artemis was surprised yet again. It was becoming a habit in this context. There was no hint of annoyance or any sort of reluctance in the doctor's tone when he confessed his last inequality. His tone was completely smooth.

"Put it this way," the doctor begun. Artemis focussed his attention.

"Equality is such a vague term. True equality can only come with being identical to another individual. If you persist in thinking about people in terms of who is your 'equal' you will only limit your perception of others. Uniqueness destroys equality."

Artemis pondered the psychiatrist's words. He could not deny that specialisation and experience gave the doctor a certain advantage. For once the notion of someone less intelligent than himself didn't stir up any minor feelings of contempt.

"That's about time for today, Artemis," the psychiatrist explained. He didn't look at any timepiece that Artemis could locate. Artemis nodded his agreement.

"A question for next week," the psychiatrist proposed.

Artemis was intrigued despite himself. "Yes?"

The psychiatrist escorted his patient to the door as he asked his question. "In getting back to our hypothetical psychopath, how would you define 'doing good'?"

Artemis turned at the threshold and gave the psychiatrist a Look. "Please don't tell me that I am your hypothetical psychopath and that you are trying to get me to be more reflective," he sighed.

The psychiatrist merely raised an eyebrow. "You really do expect the worst of people. If you keep insinuating things about me I just might become offended and refuse to treat you."

When Artemis left, he knew that he could use these accidental insults as a way to drive his psychiatrist away. But that would be cheating. He had a feeling that the good doctor knew this too.

Round two to the psychiatrist then. For now.


	3. Chapter 3

Artemis was annoyed. This feeling was only exacerbated by the imminent session with his psychiatrist. Any level of emotion would impair his ability to win the man's little games. The thought that the doctor might actually be able help didn't even occur to him. He was an opponent, nothing more.

Artemis took a few deep breaths and longed for half an hour to practice the meditation techniques that Butler had shown him. That would put him in a better frame of mind. The option of finally accepting the psychiatrist's offer and reading one of his books was tempting, but not only would it be admitting defeat, it would alert him too.

Artemis walked in and sat. The psychiatrist put away his notes and waited patiently.

"It didn't take me long to realise just how in depth your question was. Morality is a philosophical conundrum that is still unanswered," Artemis began.

"That is true. I didn't expect, or require you to come up with a definitive system of morals, absolute or otherwise. The reason why I chose such an ambiguous term as 'doing good' was so that you could frame your morality any way you wanted to. Your task is to convince an individual who lacks empathy why the rules, however you chose to define them, should apply to them," the psychiatrist clarified.

Artemis thought for a moment. However, his mind kept wandering back to his immediate problem. He was surprised when the psychiatrist interrupted his thoughts.

"It would be remiss of me, as your psychiatrist, not to ask you if you want to talk about it."

Artemis scowled. "And you were doing so well. You might have actually had some grudging respect from me, but now…" the teen shrugged elegantly.

The psychiatrist sighed. "Attack me if you want, but we both know you have something more important on your mind. If you want me to drop it I will. If you don't want to talk, it's an exercise in futility to try and make you."

Artemis thought through his options. Refusing would be petty. Any game he attempted wouldn't work too well while he was agitated. He sighed.

"It isn't a particularly important concern, but it is the trivial things that affect a person the most."

The psychiatrist nodded.

"I had an arrangement in place with the school's principal to skip physical education in favour of more academic units. He allowed it because my performance reflected well on the school. Somehow my parents discovered this deal. Now I am caught between them and the principal, who has done a 180 degrees turn on the issue in order to placate the source of my fees."

The psychiatrist nodded.

"It is a minor irritation, but an irritation nonetheless. I have more important concerns than running around a field with a group of heavy-set incompetents. So, feel free to analyse this titbit to your heart's content and decide that I have body image problems, depression, feelings of inadequacy and I'm sure that an intelligent person, such as yourself, can find evidence for an oedipal complex if you look hard enough."

The psychiatrist smiled. "It sounds more like laziness to me."

Artemis scowled. "Very funny, I know as well as you do why I don't want to participate."

"Yes, yes. Physical prowess is unimportant to you, considering that you derive your sense of identity from your intellect. No one likes to be in a situation where their weaknesses are accentuated. Finally, and I don't care if this makes you scowl, but this is especially true of teenagers."

Artemis refrained from scowling, just barely.

"I have a peace offering," the psychiatrist said.

Artemis raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"I can write you a note excusing you from physical education."

Artemis considered the various reasons to decline the offer. It would be admitting defeat and it would give the psychiatrist a very large win. It was also a vaguely humiliating notion.

However, it might convince his mother that professional help caused more harm than good. Furthermore, it was a chance to get out of the subject. Few people would have to know. After all, a note from one's psychiatrist would be something almost confidential. In the end, pragmatism won. Artemis _really_ didn't want to do physical education.

"What are your conditions?" Artemis finally asked.

The psychiatrist thought for a moment. "Get some exercise outside of the curriculum. You look a little peaky."

'"Peaky'?" Artemis repeated, with cynicism dripping off the word.

"Well, I am a doctor. Psychiatry, unlike psychology," the doctor sneered slightly at the alternate profession, "is just a specialisation once one has gone through medicine."

"Is that a result of that ridiculous 'healthy body healthy mind' taken to extremes?" Artemis enquired.

"No, it's a legal issue because they don't want just anyone prescribing psychiatric drugs. A psychologist can't prescribe anything."

Artemis though back over some of the counsellors he had broken. "A sensible system," he mused.

"I agree completely. I will also confess that it was good to actually behave like a psychiatrist for once," the man added.

Artemis raised an eyebrow.

"You know," the doctor continued, "you tell me things about your life, I listen. It's not nearly this difficult with other patients that I've had."

Artemis smiled. "I think that you're deluding yourself. You strike me as the sort of person who would enjoy a challenge as much as myself. I think that it would grate on you to be constantly understanding and sympathetic. Especially when you've seen the same problems and the same self-centred, blinded idiocy, so many times before."

The psychiatrist matched Artemis' smile. "An interesting analysis. Are you sure you're not projecting though?"

Artemis snorted.

There was a pause and Artemis decided to compliment his psychiatrist. After all, the note was potentially quite useful. "I am pleased that you never attempted to diminish the formality of these sessions by suggesting that I call you by your first name."

"Well, I am completely unsurprised that you never refer to me by name."

"Is that so, Doctor Banks?"

"Now you're just being petty. Because of that, I'm almost tempted to ask you to call me Bob."

A look of disdain, followed quickly by narrow-eyed suspicion flitted across Artemis' face. "That's not your first name."

"No, but your expression was amusing. Anyway, feel free to consider last week's hypothetical for next week. We never did get around to it."

Artemis nodded.

Banks scrawled a note on his clipboard, signed it and gave it to Artemis.

As Artemis left the room, he decided that round three was a draw. He had a note, but the circumstances left something to be desired. The main point in his favour however, was his impromptu assessment of Banks. After all, Artemis easily recognised the defence mechanism when Banks had asked him a question to change the topic.


	4. Chapter 4

Dr. Banks put his notes down and looked up when Artemis sat down. "So how is physical education, or rather, the lack thereof?" The psychiatrist enquired.

"Are you expecting gratitude?"

"Expecting? No. But it would be nice and it might even put me off balance."

Artemis snorted. "Well that's hardly the case now. But thankyou, I suppose. I actually took your advice, or more accurately your conditions."

Banks raised an eyebrow, he seemed genuinely surprised. "Really?"

"Oh, don't flatter yourself. I mentioned it passing to my... body guard who 'subtly' encouraged me to adopt a fitness regime. It was his influence, not yours."

"I am not surprised by your choice regarding your fitness. You are logical individual and would understand the benefits of adopting such a practice. I am surprised, however, that you would actually share a fact about your life, and willingly too."

Artemis sneered. "It was a minor consideration and it had an indirect bearing on you."

"So you're telling me as an acquaintance rather than as your psychiatrist."

Artemis shrugged. "Essentially, if you want to be so pedantic, that is."

"I suppose you'd give me a look if I asked you to tell me about your body guard?"

Banks paused for a moment to regard his patient and then he sighed. "Yes, that one."

"I'm sure you know about Butler."

Banks gave a non-committal shrug. "I know that I won't allow anyone into these sessions, no matter how implicitly you trust them, because that would defeat the purpose. I also know that a rather large individual sulks outside this building until we are finished. I have not researched you, Artemis. That too, would defeat the purpose."

"And how are those tactics working out for you?" Artemis asked politely.

Despite Banks' frequent unexpected responses, Artemis couldn't help but wait for him to say: 'you tell me.'

"Not especially well. But that's to do with you, rather than a fault in perfectly valid tactics."

Artemis gave his psychiatrist a look of pure indignation.

Banks returned his look with a mild gaze. "You don't want to be treated. You make things difficult for both of us and you clearly take great pleasure in doing so. Am I wrong?"

Artemis knew it would be beyond petty to answer with a 'yes', so he settled on frosty silence as a compromise.

Banks sighed. "As you wish. Give me your answer to last week's question then."

Artemis glared for a moment before settling back. "Alright. Ignoring the question of what constitutes good, and please, no insinuations about my morality or lack thereof," Artemis began.

Banks gave a look of injured innocence that was rather spoiled by the slight upturn of the corner of his mouth.

"Anyway," Artemis continued, "providing the hypothetical psychopath is logical enough; a fairly strong case can be made for the rules. You can explain that it is necessary for everyone to follow a set of guidelines to prevent the collapse of society. The obvious difficulty is if the psychopath realises that if only he or she disobeys the rules while everyone else is following them, there is no danger and there is significant advantage to be obtained."

"And if that is the case?" Banks pressed.

"Well, one would really have to fall back on a system of negative action brings negative consequence. One could cite the law and judicial system. Other than that, a lack of empathy for the suffering of others makes the argument very difficult."

Banks nodded. "You're argumentation is sound, but I admit that I cheated a bit. This question has a professional answer. You're close, but just a little too pessimistic."

"You were going to see whether or not I researched the question." Artemis stated, without missing a beat.

Banks smiled faintly. "You are remarkably quick, Artemis. I find that if I ever forget that for a moment, I am reminded in the next."

Artemis tried not to feel too smug about the observation, for fear of letting his guard drop even a fraction. However, he was more pleased than he would expect from a casual compliment.

"While your intent was rather obvious, your motivation is a harder question. What were you hoping to learn about me?" Artemis asked.

"Since you tell me nothing about yourself, I hope to learn what I can. This incident in isolation doesn't tell me all that much, but any puzzle piece is useful, even if it is of uniform colour and most definitely not a corner."

Artemis smiled. "Research about me could give you so-called puzzle pieces and might even be able to find a corner and a few edge pieces, to extend your analogy. So why do you consider it counterproductive?"

"A few reasons." Banks raised a hand and began checking off reasons on his fingers.

"One, it is often coloured with people's subjective opinions about you. It is hard to find straight facts. Two, it would predispose me to see you in a certain light and three your actions alone, even based in fact, demonstrate a one dimensional interpretation. Without knowing context, let alone how you went about things and your options at the time, would tell me very little. Those reasons aside, researching you is not part of my job description and hardly my idea of a fun leisure activity."

"You derive no small amount of pleasure from being flippant, don't you?" Artemis remarked.

"Isn't it funny that the traits we find most annoying in others are ones we find delightful eccentric in ourselves?" Banks replied.

"Point taken. So what is the professional answer? The optimistic one, that is."

"Individuals with psychopathic traits, often referred to as 'callus and unemotional' traits or tendencies, don't actually respond that well to punishment. However, they are very receptive to positive reinforcement and especially praise. That is how one should raise such an individual in order for them to function in society. After all, psychopath is not synonymous with criminal or psychopathic killer. The reason for why punishment is often ineffective is thought to be related to how such an individual analyses risk."

Artemis nodded, absorbing the information as quickly as Banks could provide it.

"Interesting. These questions are meant to be thought exercises rather than research projects." It wasn't a question.

"If I wanted to be annoyingly enigmatic and subjectivist, I would suggest that your interpretation of the questions is what mattered. However, you're right. They are meant to be thought exercises. Your researching would have been a mixed blessing. It could mean that you were engaging with my questions in such a strong way that you felt the need to research or it could suggest that you cared more about being right than thinking through it yourself and offering your opinion. I specifically chose non-invasive questions," Banks admitted.

"And the fact that I didn't research…?" Artemis prompted.

Banks smiled. "I think I'm entitled to be a little bit annoyingly enigmatic. Also, were I to draw wildly inaccurate conclusions about your motivation and share them, I would look quite the fool, wouldn't I?"

"It is better to be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt."

"How clichéd, Artemis. But you don't think I'm a fool." This too was a statement rather than a question.

"What makes you say that?"

"Simple. You're on guard."

Artemis narrowed his eyes. "Very well, ask your question for next week."

"Would you answer an innocuous question about how your physical fitness is progressing, considering how you implied it was indirectly my business?"

"I can answer that question right now: yes."

Banks chuckled. "Good. I don't have a particular hypothetical I wish you to answer at this point because I am flooded with questions I want to ask about you; which is an exercise in futility. It is not easy being your psychiatrist."

"I'm glad you're restraining yourself, because I would hate for you to lose the grudging respect you've managed to acquire."

Banks raised an eyebrow. "Grudging respect? You do me too much honour," he replied dryly.

Artemis snorted. It was a no-win draw today. Perhaps it was because Artemis himself had not engaged in any purposely destructive techniques, but Banks had seemed mostly courteous. The notion of telling the psychiatrist something as an 'acquaintance' had managed to flavour the entire session.


	5. Chapter 5

Artemis took his seat, but he noticed that the psychiatrist hadn't been reading his notes. Artemis' eyes narrowed. Banks gave him a mild look of enquiry, but there was something off about his expression. It was too forced; less natural and relaxed.

Artemis' baseline level of wariness increased. Something was wrong here. He felt the sudden desire to have Butler in the room. He searched Banks' face for any sort of hint. Then a few moments later he worked it out and relaxed.

"Is there something on your mind?" Artemis asked in his best imitation of one of St. Bartleby's councillors.

The doctor's eyes narrowed. "It is completely unsurprising that you are so perceptive and equally unsurprising that you would use this opportunity to mock me."

Artemis smiled inwardly. Something was bothering the psychiatrist. He was distracted and lacked the complete self-possession that Artemis associated with him. It was a point in Banks' favour that his collected demeanour was so ingrained in his personality that Artemis only noticed it by its absence. However, the prodigy doubted that the good doctor would be able to match him in his current state.

Artemis had not been particularly focused on his desire to win. But now, the appearance of weakness drove him to instinctively attack. He was reminded of his ultimate goal to bring the psychiatrist to early retirement. It wasn't that he found Banks a particularly unpleasant individual, but it was the principle of the matter. Besides, he still had to repay Banks for those earlier sessions where, Artemis had the maturity to admit, he had lost thoroughly to the psychiatrist .

"Now I'm simply curious as to what could cause this effect. You're usually more professional," Artemis said. Banks' comment had clearly demonstrated his agitation. Ordinarily he would not use such blatant and low level defences.

The psychiatrist scowled.

"Much more professional, in fact," Artemis amended in response to the expression.

Banks took a deep breath. "I apologise."

Artemis was taken aback. Then his lip curled slightly. "Is that apology some sort of ploy?"

"You know it isn't. You wouldn't have asked that question if you thought it was. Instead, you would have just played along."

Artemis nodded.

"Do you know what makes a good psychiatrist? No, better yet, do you know why a lot of people enter the field at all?" Banks asked suddenly.

"It's a little early for next week's question, don't you think? Besides, you were so eager for me to answer an innocuous personal question," Artemis smirked.

"Can we just concede that you have the better of me today and leave it at that?"

Artemis chuckled. "Where would be the fun in that?"

Banks gave him a long look. Artemis waved a hand. "Proceed. It's hardly amusing to match an opponent who is so far fallen."

"_So_ gracious of you."

Artemis smiled.

"The question is currently relevant and I would be curious to know why you think people get into this field," Banks prompted.

"In my experience, councillors are clichéd do-gooders who would have told their careers advisor that they want to 'help people'. They don't tend to last very long around me. However, I assume that your answer is going to be completely different. Let's see…" Artemis paused and watched the psychiatrist's face. "Is it fascination?"

Banks gave Artemis an appraising look. "In a way. Could you be more specific?"

Artemis frowned. "I could be, but I chose to keep my answer simple. If you want to illuminate things, you may."

Banks smiled faintly. "Very well. It is usually a fascination with dysfunction, above all else. Of course there is the neurological and philosophical interest, but first it is a fascination with dysfunction. Mostly it is a fascination with their own situation, their family life, upbringing and especially their own dysfunctions. I'm sure I don't need to establish that people are self centred and egotistical. This fascination is a manifestation of those characteristics. I don't tend to interact with many people in my field, but the few I do come across tend to have some rather unique backgrounds."

Artemis was rather surprised.

"So you are essentially admitting to some sort of dysfunction, and possibly implying that your current mood is due to specific or family dysfunction."

"Not at all," Banks replied smoothly. "I was using this line of discussion as a smoke screen to mask my current distraction. After all, in answering my own question, what makes a good psychiatrist is one who doesn't talk about themselves. That is your job, essentially."

"That was a clumsy appeal for information."

"I thought we agreed that there's no amusement to be had when I'm distracted," Banks sighed.

Artemis shrugged. "Apparently I lied."

Banks raised an eyebrow. "Compulsively?"

Artemis laughed. It was a genuine laugh, rather than a derisive or patronising chuckle. "Not bad," he conceded when his mirth subsided.

"I'm just happy that you didn't take it seriously. Even two weeks ago you would have treated that as a genuine accusation."

Artemis frowned. "Perhaps."

The teen thought for a moment and began to come to a rather unsettling possibility. Perhaps this was a ploy on Banks' part to make him lower his guard. An admission of defeat was very effective and pandered to Artemis' own arrogance. However, Artemis doubted that even Banks was that good an actor, or that he would risk appearing weak if he could help it.

"I trust you will be feeling more yourself by next week. After all, it's my time you're wasting," Artemis finally announced.

Banks grimaced. "Very funny, Artemis. You are one of the few people who would even notice, let alone be bothered by minor distraction on my part."

Artemis smiled. "Yes, I'm sure you're cursing my perception, but I tend to find anything sub-par quite unsatisfactory and I always notice. However, I am prepared to humour you, and in answer to your as yet unasked question, my fitness program is progressing well. There is nothing that bears further elaboration on that topic."

"You know, the next time I feel even the slightest bit distracted, I'm just going to cancel for the week," Banks sighed.

"Well then, today is not a total loss because you've learned something."

Banks scoffed. "That was just cold."

Artemis just smiled. "It looks like our time is up for today."

Banks grimaced again and gave a grudging nod. He stood to escort his patient to the door.

It was a clear win for Artemis. However he hadn't been malicious to the full extent of his capabilities. This was in deference to the fact that Banks was compromised in some way through outside influences. Victory was taken where possible, of course, but annihilation was something reserved for a worthy opponent at their peak.

Besides, a rather disconcerting notion had begun to form in Artemis' mind. If fascination was the driving force behind Banks' career choice, how then did he view Artemis? This question needed to be addressed. While he was used to individuals who were motivated out of some misplaced need to 'help' or 'cure' him. The prospect of someone viewing him as interesting in an experimental sense, needled at him in a way he couldn't quite define.


	6. Chapter 6

Artemis was prepared for conflict. He expected it after last week. He had upset the tenuous balance that existed between him and the psychiatrist. The equilibrium had been forced in an unfamiliar direction. This had been the prodigy's intent from the beginning, but he knew that Banks would not accept this shift without trying to push things in his favour.

Underneath this, Artemis had grown more agitated over the possibility of Banks being fascinated with him. The only thing holding back the weight of Artemis' ire was the knowledge that Banks tended to operate in an oblique manner. It was likely that the psychiatrist would produce some unexpected reasoning, or at least a rationale that didn't leave Artemis with a bitter taste in the back of his throat.

In an ideal world Artemis would have been able to deduce the source of Bank's distraction. It would be a potent tool if handled correctly. The problem was that there was an absence of useful data. Artemis didn't know how Banks responded to different types of negative stimuli and he certainly had no sense of the core events in the psychiatrist's life outside of their weekly sessions. Consequently, he hadn't managed to figure out this little puzzle. Musing on it was pointless. If Artemis was inclined to waste his time with idle wishing, he might as well have considered an ideal world where he wasn't forced to see a psychiatrist at all.

He entered the room and sat down. Banks had predictably recovered from last week and was reading over his notes as per usual. Artemis expression remained completely neutral as an idea began forming with its customary speed. Then his eyes followed the movement of Banks' notes as they were laid aside. Banks seemed unfazed by Artemis' scrutiny.

Artemis realised that he did know something definitive about Banks. The man himself had mentioned it in passing. Then there were his notes. He hadn't been reading them last week. At the time Artemis had thought it was a symptom, but now… now Artemis was annoyed that it had taken a week and a visual prompt for him to figure it out. He blamed it on complacency stemming from his recent victory.

Artemis weighed his options. It might be sensible to wait for an opportunity where his newfound conclusion could cause Banks maximal discomfort. Then again, Artemis wasn't completely certain that he was right. It was highly likely, but he wasn't in possession of all the relevant facts and Banks himself was one of the most confounding variables he had ever encountered. There was an overwhelming urge to test his hypothesis. Giving into his inquisitive nature, Artemis asked the relevant question and made his findings known. He consciously ignored the possibility that his poorly defined anger at Banks prompted his immediate attack.

"It was one of your patients, wasn't it?"

Banks held himself with commendable neutrality, but Artemis was watching for a reaction and noticed the way the psychiatrist's lips tightened just slightly. Artemis waited. He felt no need to press for confirmation and Banks would have to address the comment eventually.

"These sessions are about you, Artemis. I would have thought that the idea would appeal to you," Banks suggested.

"Is that evasion, doctor?" Artemis asked innocently.

"Yes."

Artemis scowled. He was not looking to play along when he had such a definitive advantage. Banks' unsettlingly simple comments were unwelcome. There was a long silence as both individuals weighed their options. Someone had to take a step or the stalemate could be indefinite.

Banks sighed. "You are aware of doctor-patient confidentiality. However, I will say that one of my patients decided that my services were no longer required."

Artemis couldn't decide if Banks' admission was a sign of maturity or a lack of fortitude. However Artemis' observational skills were impeccable and suffused his next statement.

"Obviously you can neither confirm nor deny this statement, but it is obvious that you think that you are still needed. Remind me again how you're not a clichéd do-gooder?"

"There is such a thing as professional pride." Banks sounded weary. "Now I am wondering, as your psychiatrist, why you are acting so vicious today."

Artemis noticed the use of the word 'acting' in preference to 'feeling'. Banks was making an observation on his behaviour rather than suggesting that he knew what was going through Artemis' head. This distinction mollified the prodigy somewhat.

The information Banks sought was also directly relevant to him. But more than that, Artemis wanted answers. He leaned forward, his expression glacial.

"It is regarding this supposed 'fascination with dysfunction'. Is that the reason you accepted the dubious honour of treating me? Do you find me fascinating, _doctor_?" Artemis asked softly.

Banks expression was equally serious out of respect for Artemis' obvious anger. However he couldn't keep a certain wry note from his tone. "While it is understandable that you assume you are the most interesting individual conceivable, I must point out the emphasis on 'dysfunction'. I've worked in prisons, Artemis. There are far more interesting individuals out there that present the sort of pathologies one rarely encounters outside of radical textbooks. I will certainly concede that you are remarkable in your own right, but highly dysfunctional in an interesting manner, is not an accurate description of you."

Artemis blinked. The answer was unexpected. In all honesty Artemis did in fact think that he was the most interesting individual conceivable. He pondered the implications for a moment.

"Then why are you treating me? And please, no smoke screen about your pay-cheque."

Banks smiled faintly. "You know, I _do_ treat patients for a living. Therefore the pay-cheque argument is completely valid. However, there is once again the notion of professional pride. I don't like to turn down difficult cases, even when my colleagues are hesitant. Finally, and sneer if you will, there is a certain amount of satisfaction to be derived from treating a patient well, and in a certain light that might look suspiciously like do-gooder motivation."

Artemis snorted.

Banks' face resumed it serious expression for a moment. "A patient is a patient, not a research project."

Artemis expression was blank as he listened to Banks strike close to the central issue. The psychiatrist obviously had his own level of deductive reasoning and observational skills.

"Besides, research participants require a comprehensive informed consent document that explains their withdrawal rights. You, on the other hand, are a minor who is being coerced by your school and parents. You do not have withdrawal rights," Banks continued in a lighter tone.

Artemis almost smiled. "Legally there is no imperative that forces me to participate in this tedious charade."

"Indeed," Banks agreed, "and as such, you know where the bookshelf is. My offer always stands."

Artemis scowled. How had he gone from unequivocal victory to fighting against defeat? It seemed that Banks held the figurative high-ground when it came to serious topics of discussion. The psychiatrist was a little too observant for his own good. Artemis neatly avoided thinking about the irony of that notion coming from him.

"I have a question for you for next week," said Banks.

"It won't be testing my tendency to research since you already know my habits in that area," Artemis supplied.

"Indeed. I was wondering what your opinion on determinism was."

Artemis frowned. "Which particular theory piques your interest? I have no interest in 'every effect must have a cause,'."

"I might address that in a psychological fashion next week. However I assume you have a strong physics background." Artemis didn't bother to nod. "And I was going to look at that matter from that perspective," Banks continued.

Artemis nodded slowly. "I have dismissed determinism as a cute, self-defeating thought exercise, though I will admit I have never discussed it with anyone."

Banks nodded. "Until next week."

As Artemis rose he decided that Banks had probably won this round. But it was close, and his victory was mostly a technicality. After all, Artemis had been angry and Banks had addressed that. The only way that the psychiatrist could have lost in that instance would have been if he had handled things incorrectly.


	7. Chapter 7

Artemis sat and Banks looked up from his notes. The prodigy gave his psychiatrist a measured look. It was not a battlefield to today. It was to be an exchange of ideas. Of course they would be competing. Artemis would compete on principle and Banks would be forced to, in order to maintain equilibrium and avoid losing respect. However, it wasn't going to be quite so vicious today.

"So, doctor, tell me about determinism from your perspective," Artemis began.

Banks returned with his own disaffected look. "As you wish. You are aware of the nature versus nurture debate?"

"Of course. It is the ongoing question as to whether we are a product of our genes or our environment and upbringing. Obviously it is a combination of both. The main question is about the interaction between the two and how much each contributes."

"I would agree with you, but that was a reference question. What I wish to point out is that we have no control over either our genes _or_ our environment."

Artemis frowned. "This is your psychologically interesting view of the 'every effect has a cause' argument."

"Indeed. We are a product of our genes and our environment, both of which our out of our hands."

"I doubt that would hold up in court," Artemis smirked.

"Indeed. Despite these defining characteristics being out of our hands, we consider ourselves to have choice, even within the rather rigid confines of our personality. But it does serve to highlight that we have less choice in the person we are than we like to believe."

Artemis waved the comment away. There were more interesting matters that focused his attention. "Now that you've established your little psychological theory, I am interested to see what you have to say about physics."

Artemis knew that unless Banks had specifically studied the subject, he was unlikely to have more knowledge in the area than his patient.

"Alright, consider that our bodies and minds are composed of atoms and their constituent sub-atomic particles. These particles behave in a certain way under the influence of temperature, pressure and surrounding particles. Everything in the universe is governed by these immutable laws. Matter behaves in a certain way as directed by these laws of nature. As such, we have no free will."

Artemis snorted. "You clearly have a vague grasp of physics. It is only to be expected, psychology is a pseudoscience and best. Before you interrupt, I am aware that you need an excellent grasp of biology in order to become a doctor and I would imagine a passable grasp of chemistry for pharmacological reasons, but neither of those things gives you an understanding of the physics you're attempting to deal with."

Artemis paused to watch Banks' face. The young genius derived an immoderate amount of enjoyment from demonstrating his superior knowledge on esoteric topics.

"You see these so called 'laws of nature', which are populist pseudoscience, by the way, are in no way immutable. In fact, up to a point, what happens to sub-atomic particles is a matter of chance. In the universe there is a significant level of random activity. I won't even try to explain, to you, how observing something changes it," Artemis finished pontificating with a look of unadulterated smugness.

"Are you quite finished?" Banks enquired.

Artemis allowed himself a lazy smile. "Yes, I rather think I am. Did you still have a question?"

"I do. While 'laws of nature' may be popular pseudoscience, it does not diminish this branch of argumentation."

Artemis raised a sceptical eyebrow. His smirk remained firmly plastered across his face. "Really?"

"You see regardless of laws, random events or otherwise, you would not claim that sub-atomic particles have free will; that they chose how to behave."

Artemis' smirk fell from his face. "Ah."

"Precisely," Banks affirmed.

"We are comprised of atoms, atoms do not have free will, and therefore we do not have free will," Artemis summarised.

Banks nodded.

Artemis expression closed down as he focused on this latest line of argumentation.

"I suppose you wouldn't concede to mind/body dualism," Artemis asked with a hint of a smile.

"It's funny you should suggest that."

Artemis expression slipped from amusement to disbelief. "I have been assuming that you have a neurological background somewhere in your education. Are you going to tell me that I am mistaken?"

"I was thinking synergy rather than spiritualism."

Artemis frowned again. "Greater than the sum of its parts? Are you suggesting that an aggregate of atoms can take on alternate properties?"

"Well, a group of molecules emits heat while a single one does not. It is a collective property, _exclusively_ a collective property."

Artemis nodded reluctantly. "True."

"The theory I am referring to is called 'emergence'. It is the theory that consciousness can arise as a collective property of a group atoms arranged in a certain way. But as to a mechanism of effect…" Banks trailed off with a shrug. "We don't know enough yet. However we have scientific method, and I certainly think it is the best tool available. One of the main problems though, is that ultimately the tool we are using to investigate consciousness is consciousness itself."

Artemis gave his psychiatrist a sceptical look. "So there is a theory with a handy analogy and no real mechanism of effect. That is hardy evidence of free will. Out of curiosity, where does that leave the question of determinism in your perspective?"

"I find myself at the point that most philosophy students reach. I call it 'the concession'," Banks admitted.

Artemis lifted an eyebrow.

"Basically I have no reason to assume that I have free will until I have some sort of evidence besides 'it feels like I do'."

Artemis smirked.

"However, it is probably best to think and act as if I have free will. After all, it isn't as if it makes a difference," Banks finished.

"That is similar to the conclusion I reached myself. If determinism is true then it doesn't matter because I will either believe it or not. It will not affect my behaviour because I have no control, by definition.

"It always amuses me when individuals bemoan the lack of moral responsibility that determinism entails because even if it is true, it changes nothing. If determinism is true we will still behave in a certain way _due_ to determinism. Hence it is necessarily self-defeating," Artemis explained.

"Quite."

Artemis was silent for a moment before he spoke. "You said in a previous session that you specifically chose non-invasive questions."

"Indeed. I could ask you about your childhood or your earliest memory, if you like. Better yet, I can ask you to keep a dream-journal and then share it with me."

Artemis scoffed. "Yes, yes. I'm sure I should be so grateful that you're not horribly inept."

Banks smiled. "You could try it for a change."

"Anyway," Artemis ploughed on, "these questions aren't just thought exercises to analyse my behaviour. You're leading somewhere aren't you?"

"It is human nature to try and find order and patterns in events. That is why we remember our lives as a narrative."

"And it is in your nature to evade my questions."

Banks sighed. "Look, Artemis. These sessions are not about me. I'm sure you've made your own evaluations of previous councillors and I'd be willing to wager that they were quite accurate."

Artemis preened inwardly at the compliment, while keeping his face blank.

"However," Banks continued, "that is not why we're here. Besides, I don't need your analysis. In case you were unaware, it is requirement of my profession to undergo psycho-analysis and to have regular sessions. Listening to other people's problems or listening to people who take great delight in being a problem, in and of themselves, can be quite trying."

Artemis ignored the slight, about intentionally being a problem himself, to focus on the interesting information. "I was unaware of that. Your profession has clearly answered _quis custodiet ipsos custodes_."

Banks smiled tightly. "A tad melodramatic, perhaps. 'Who will guard the guards themselves?' That phrase deals with the problem of absolute power or where it should reside." He paused for a moment. "Of course I'm not telling you anything you don't already know."

Artemis returned the psychiatrist's smile, though with significantly higher levels of smugness.

"Are you suggesting a psychiatrist has absolute power?" Banks asked.

"I wouldn't say absolute, but why else would you police yourselves if not to prevent an abuse of power? A psychiatrist's insights provide them with a substantial advantage over the average individual. I'm sure it is well within your power to manipulate those around you with your knowledge of how the mind tends to work."

"While I try to avoid unfounded diagnoses with you, that was pretty paranoid. I'm a psychiatrist, not a mind-reader."

Artemis sneered. "Don't try and diminish your own capabilities. I don't know if you're trying to be humble or patronising, but either way, I think I'm insulted."

Banks was silent for a moment. "Very well, Artemis. There is legislation that seeks to prevent psychiatrists from abusing their power. It is even more stringent than the laws surrounding teachers. However, I wasn't lying when I suggested that the main reason psychiatrists have sessions, was for their own outlet and the sake of their own sanity. I have heard the policing rationale, but I tend to give it less weight.

"Besides, you are hardly the 'average individual' and I would think that you are at least my equal in a measure of manipulative ability. But once again, let me remind you that I am being paid to listen to you. That means that unlike non-professionals, I only have one transparent agenda. I have no interest in manipulating you, or anyone else for that matter, at least in a professional setting. I _have_ gotten out of several parking fines though."

A ghost of a smile flitted across Artemis' face. "You actually sound sincere."

"Oh, I'm always sincere," Banks stated.

Artemis snorted.

"Either way, we're out of time."

Artemis nodded, slight reluctance in the gesture. "Would you answer a question for me next week, doctor?"

Banks grinned. "I'm not going to share my dream-journal with you."

Artemis chuckled. "No. Thank you. I am also aware of your no personal information policy. I wanted to know what your diagnosis of me would be."

Banks stared for a moment. "You surprise me."

Artemis smiled. "Come now, you always remind me of how self-obsessed we humans are."

Banks nodded slowly. "We'll see."

It was a minor victory, but a victory nonetheless. He had surprised Banks and also insulted his physics knowledge and the science of his profession. That would have been more satisfying without his years as a doctor of medicine lending him credibility. It would also have been better if he hadn't so effectively lead Artemis in their discussion of determinism. Either way, Artemis was anticipating Banks' conclusions with great interest. Although he knew that 'we'll see' was intentionally ambiguous and gave the psychiatrist plenty of room to manoeuvre.


	8. Chapter 8

**Additional Disclaimer:** I thought it prudent to mention the fact that I am not a psychiatrist and haven't even studied psychology further than a high school level. The facts are correct to the best of my knowledge, the opinions, mere conjecture. The research, theories and general science I mention is real, but without citation. I am reasonably sure of its truth for a given value of true. The philosophy is bits and pieces of ideas from a few different philosophers and a touch of personal opinion. Probably obvious, but then, most disclaimers are.

~X~

Artemis received the call while he was reading in his bedroom. With a sigh he marked his place in the book and picked up his phone. It was an unknown number. Artemis frowned.

"Hello," he answered cautiously.

"Hi, is that Artemis?" The voice was female and there was an undefinable note in her voice that somehow suggested _secretary_.

"Yes," Artemis answered with only the slightest hesitation.

"Is one of your parents there?" she asked.

Artemis' expression tightened in irritation. "If you have been given this number then you should know that whatever you have to say may be conveyed to me directly."

There was a pause on the other end of the line. "Oh. Okay, Hon, no need to shoot the messenger."

Artemis resisted the impulse to grind his teeth together. Hon? Honestly. "Do you have anything of consequence to say?" he bit out.

"Yeah." She cleared her throat. "I'm the secretary to Dr. Banks' office and I am just calling to inform you that your session this week will be cancelled. Sorry for any inconvenience caused. The matter should be cleared up by the week after that." Her words held the rhythmic quality of a rote-learned phrase. It made her tone more pleasant and less grating.

Artemis blinked. "And what matter would that be?" he asked.

Although he couldn't see her, Artemis got the impression that the secretary shrugged.

"I'm just the messenger. You'll let your parents know won't you?"

Artemis terminated the call.

Now that was interesting. He recalled that Banks had threatened to cancel a session if he felt even the slightest bit distracted. However, Artemis was sure that he had said it in jest. He knew that Banks wouldn't cancel without a very pressing reason. It would be too much like admitting defeat and it would undermine his esteem in Artemis' eyes. Therefore, the issue must be very serious indeed. The notion that Banks was trying to wiggle out of giving a diagnosis didn't even cross the prodigy's mind.

Artemis pondered Banks' technique. The prodigy knew roughly how a session was supposed to go. The patient talked about themselves and gradually revealed their problems to their psychiatrist. The psychiatrist was mostly there as a professional listener who asked leading questions about what they were told, in order to get their patient to come to their own conclusions. This was because, unless the patient had the right sort of personality, they were unlike to respond well to being told what the problem was and what solution they should try, from a stranger.

There were other methods though. Some psychiatrist focused more heavily on brain chemistry and were likely to go down the prescription pathway rather than emphasise listening. They were more concerned with diagnosis so that the problem could be identified and solved. Other's liked to avoid labelling.

Artemis didn't like the idea of any technique being applied to him. He knew more about what was going through his mind than these simpletons could ever comprehend. Even if they were to have the benefit of the 'whole picture', as it were, they still couldn't meet him on the same intellectual ground. Therefore they were pointless and often attempted manipulation in order to get him to talk. That was when he defeated them and showed them the futility of their childish games.

Banks was aware of all of this. That much was obvious. The psychiatrist avoided asking personal questions because he knew he wouldn't get an answer. He also wasn't stupid enough to try and force information out of his patient. Of course Artemis was aware that every time he interacted with the doctor, he gave away small details and fragments of information. It was an inevitable consequence of interacting with a competent individual who was paying attention.

However, this notion didn't bother Artemis. He certainly had nothing but contempt for the counsellors that expected easy answers to fall into their laps, and for Artemis to spill every detail of his existence. But for someone to make sound deductions based on observation and behaviour, to actually work for their answers and modify their theories, was something that Artemis did not find unpalatable in the least. People should be encouraged to think. In this way Artemis knew that it was unfair of him to ask for a diagnosis without allowing Banks adequate time, but he was curious, and fairness meant very little to him.

He went on to specifically consider the personal questions that Banks avoided asking. The most pertinent, was the question of childhood and parental relationships. There were a few reasons for this line to be the mainstay of psychological enquiry.

Firstly, early developmental events contributed significantly to the grown individual. Very early traumas were usually the origin of phobias. There had been studies that indicated that the performance of a child labelled in a classroom as bright or stupid, would tend to reflect that label after a while. The brain was still physically developing right up until the mid twenties. Early experiences could be indelible indeed.

The other reason that psychiatrists concerned themselves with the question of childhood was because children think and behave in relatively uninhibited ways. In later life, emotions were seldom pure or strongly cause and effect related. In later life, they became a tangle of prior experience, suppression, repression and even hormones. 'Wisdom through the eyes of a child' wasn't merely banal drivel, but a statement containing an element of truth.

However, Artemis was an exception in his own right. He was a child in the technical sense of the word, but his intellect far surpassed the expectations of his age. He could certainly tell a psychiatrist some very interesting bits and pieces about his childhood, _if_ he ever felt the inclination to share.

For instance, the closest thing to a father figure he had had was Butler. Artemis Senior had been far too occupied with business concerns to be a constant figure. There was no escaping the fact that Butler was an employee. That meant that anything Artemis required was provided without hesitation. An unenlightened individual may have decided that Artemis was spoilt as a result of this treatment. This was not technically true.

To be spoilt was something with emotional connotations. The child would wrap the parent around their finger with emotional blackmail and manipulation. They would be their parents' little prince or princess and come to believe that a bit of charm was all it took to get them what they wanted.

Artemis had never needed such techniques. Butler was an employee and Artemis only needed to voice his desire in an articulate manner. These interactions were calm and dispassionate. Instead of seeing the world as a thing to be charmed and manipulated, Artemis inhabited a world where his desires were met as a matter of course. It was the natural order of things.

When Artemis reached an age where he began to understand his situation and realise why the system worked the way it did (around age four), the 'damage' had already been done. Artemis knew that a part of him, subconsciously or otherwise, believed deep down, that he would get whatever he wanted because that was the way the world worked. It was not a particularly healthy view, if one wished to be rigorously accurate, but it was an attitude that helped to shape his identity. This attitude also contributed to his complete confidence in his abilities. His confidence was mostly built on logical, empirical grounds and reinforced with his every success. But it helped to have a visceral, intrinsic reason too.

Next week would be interesting, no doubt. This week was a default victory because Banks had refused to meet him. However a victory won via a forfeit was completely hollow. Next week would be interesting indeed, because whatever event had disturbed his psychiatrist enough to cancel, was unlikely to be completely resolved in the space of a week. Once again, the equilibrium had been disturbed and systems tended to resist change.


	9. Chapter 9

Artemis entered the room. Banks was not reading through his notes and instead met Artemis' gaze steadily. The prodigy frowned slightly and took his seat. The unknown reason for last week's distraction hung in the air between Artemis and his opponent.

This was beyond distracted. Banks looked resolute; steady in the face of adversity. The psychiatrist had plainly undergone something significantly negative. Whatever the cause, a week had been insufficient for recovery.

"You're not even bothering to pretend that you're fine," Artemis observed.

"You'd see through any attempt at deception and you've already established that you won't ignore whatever state I'm in," Banks countered.

Artemis smirked.

"I know your policy on personal information…" he began. He didn't really expect to have his request met. It was more to test the waters and gauge Banks' response.

Banks uncharacteristically cut his patient off. "It was the same individual that was at the root of my previous distraction."

Artemis raised an eyebrow. That was unexpected. In the light of this information, Artemis had already formed his own dark little theory about what could be causing his psychiatrist this sort of stress.

"It was a car accident," Banks admitted before Artemis could work through the implications of his theory.

"Intentional?" Artemis asked mildly.

Banks smiled bitterly. "That's a good question, and one that they are not in a position to answer. I doubt I'll ever know for certain."

Artemis was taken aback. Not at the news. He had never met the individual in question, after all. But he was utterly surprised that Banks would discuss something like this. Artemis suddenly found himself in a position of unrivalled strength. A few carefully placed words, a few seemingly innocuous questions, would be enough to inflict real damage to his psychiatrist. Even if he decided to be restrained it would be a simple matter to give Banks sufficient reason to retire.

In the back of his mind, Artemis was beyond certain that the psychiatrist was as aware of this as he was. There was something at play here, some game that he hadn't managed to pinpoint yet. The risk outweighed any possible benefit that Banks could obtain from appearing before his patient in such a weakened state.

He could be insane, of course. Artemis had toyed with the notion that Banks had some sort of psychological dysfunction. The questions about psychopathy had led him to believe that Banks possessed 'callous and unemotional' tendencies, as he had put it.

Psychopathy was also linked to narcissism and poor risk assessment, essentially a lack of fear. A legitimate argument could be made about Banks being narcissistic and his disregard for the danger he was currently putting himself in, supported a lack of fear. However, since he seemed genuinely concerned about the tragic fate of his patient, he must possess empathy. It probably wasn't insanity. A psychopath wouldn't make a particularly effective psychiatrist. Banks was also required to have regular therapy and undergo psychoanalysis as part of his profession. It was doubtful that Banks' own psychiatrist would allow a psychopath to practice.

Regardless of the reason, a clear choice was set out before Artemis. He could press his advantage and achieve his ultimate aim of retiring Banks, or even go so far as to facilitate a breakdown. It would be beyond simple. It was unlikely that a chance like this would present itself again. If he didn't press his advantage then he would be stuck with a psychiatrist who had beaten him in the past, when Artemis had been hampered by his low expectations.

Where would that leave him? It would leave him with a succession of professionals at the insistence of his school and parents. It would mean new games, new psychiatrists and more distractions. Artemis did take a certain amount of satisfaction in proving his superiority to these so called 'professionals', but it could be trying, especially when they were incompetent.

It was also beyond the reasonable and vaguely defined rules that he had set himself. To win now would achieve his aim, but at the cost of a meaningful victory. There was no challenge in this. It was also a matter of: better the psychiatrist he knew than the one he didn't. As for humanitarian ideals, well that might be stretching it, but it didn't seem appropriate to destroy Banks like this. It was petty, and a worthy opponent deserved more than that.

This flow of thoughts only took a second. Artemis frowned and addressed Banks.

"You know with this sort of situation, I'm surprised you only took one week off. I am beginning to wonder what motivated you to put yourself in this position."

Banks gave a tight, mirthless smile. "Call me a pragmatist, if you will. It is more useful for me to be here than it would be for me to stay away for another week or so."

Artemis gave him a look of measured scepticism. "Surely you don't think that I am so great a threat to society that two weeks without my psychiatrist would lead to some sort of rampage?"

Banks regarded his patient steadily in silence. Artemis thought furiously. Banks' silence was an indication that the facts were sufficient for Artemis to reach the right conclusion.

Moments later, the prodigy's expression froze as comprehension dawned. The idea was far-fetched at best, but it fit the available data.

"That can't right. You couldn't possibly be that ruthless with yourself in the pursuit of your aims. Not even to treat a patient," Artemis scoffed.

Banks' bitter smile remained firmly in place.

"You cannot be serious," Artemis reaffirmed.

Banks raised an eyebrow.

Artemis let out a long exhalation. "You were seeing how I would respond to your painfully obvious vulnerability to further your diagnosis of me. In fact, you were putting yourself at my mercy to test whether or not I would rip you apart, knowing full well, that I probably could have."

Banks nodded, just once.

"You are insane," Artemis pronounced flatly.

Banks snorted. "There are so many ways I could respond to a comment like that, I don't even know which one to choose."

Artemis refused to be drawn into the banter. "I could have given you a breakdown."

"But you didn't," Banks pointed out reasonably.

"You couldn't have known that."

"No I couldn't have," the psychiatrist agreed.

"I don't know whether to be impressed or disgusted by your reckless stupidity."

"History is written by the victors. If you had 'given me a breakdown', as you put it, then my actions would be recklessly stupid. Since you didn't…" Banks shrugged with a faint smile on his face.

"Then I should be impressed," Artemis finished. He sighed. "Is this some sort of rebellious act? I won't talk about myself, so you put yourself in this situation purely as a way to get information?"

"While that makes me sound like some sort of petulant teen, essentially that was what I was doing. Professional pride can be quite a burden. I also needed more information about you in order to make a preliminary diagnosis."

"A diagnosis which I am still waiting for, doctor," Artemis pointed out.

Banks nodded again. "I think I finally have the bare minimum of material to give you a basic assessment. Thank you for your most recent contribution."

Artemis scowled, but leaned forward. He was eager despite himself and he certainly conceded a sort of horrified respect toward Banks' actions. There was such a thing as professional pride, but there was such a thing as sheer stupidity. If Banks had been this susceptible in their first few weeks, Artemis would have crushed him without hesitation. He refused to believe that it was anything more than grudging respect that held him back. Artemis may not be a psychopath, but he favoured logic above emotional empathy.

"So tell me, doctor, what's my dysfunction?" Artemis asked.


	10. Chapter 10

Banks sat back in his seat and folded his hands on top of his desk. Artemis was still leaning forward slightly as he awaited Banks' diagnosis. This should be interesting.

"I think you find my diagnosis rather disappointing, Artemis. If you are dysfunctional in an interesting way, I have yet to see it. Playing mind games is an annoying symptom of your own boredom, rather than a marked pathology," Banks said.

Artemis blinked. "Are you implying that there's nothing wrong with me?" His tone was curious rather than accusatory.

Banks shrugged. "I could give you a more comprehensive diagnosis if you felt inclined to tell me about yourself. However, from what I've seen from you, you don't appear to have any conventional pathology, aside from being very young and highly intelligent. That is most certainly a problem for those around you, but nothing that can really be _cured_, per say. I could suggest behavioural modification therapy, but something tells me you probably wouldn't go for that."

Artemis gave an unpleasant sort of smile. The suggestion didn't even warrant a vocal response.

"Of course," Banks continued, "being as intelligent as you are, I'm sure you're more than capable of hiding any pathology or dysfunction. Trying to prove the absence of something is unscientific and extremely difficult. The onus of proof is on finding the presence of something," the psychiatrist finished.

Artemis nodded, but his eyes still held scepticism and suspicion.

"Don't be disheartened," Banks continued, "you are still very special in your own way." The doctor's tone was completely serious.

Artemis' eyes widened in sheer disbelief. "Did you just attempt to tell me that I'm 'special' in the manner one would address a three year old?"

"You know, sometimes it's better to laugh at yourself than to choke on your indignation," Banks suggested. "Your expression led me to think that you were dissatisfied with my diagnosis, so I was merely attempting to reassure you."

Artemis paused for a few moments while he resisted the urge to glower.

"It merely comes as a surprise to me that you would diagnose me as being essentially sane. I have had many individuals give me _all sorts_ of interesting labels. This is certainly a novelty and almost a shock," Artemis explained.

"A lot of individuals don't like to admit that the problem is that their patient is smarter than them and enjoys being difficult," Banks conceded with a smile.

"I'm not the only individual in this room who enjoys being difficult," Artemis replied mildly.

Banks shrugged again. "It was the only way I would receive even a hint of credibility in your eyes. Some patients are sceptical about my field. Such individuals often need to be challenged before they'll engage in any way."

Artemis considered the diagnosis and frowned. "If you don't think there's anything wrong with me, will you concede the inherent pointlessness of further 'treatment', doctor?" he enquired.

Banks smiled. "Believe it or not, it helps to talk to someone who's being paid to listen and be confidential, non-judgemental and professional. In my experience almost everyone has something that would benefit from discussion. We are vain and self absorbed creatures who seek meaning in the events of our lives. Getting to know one's self is one of the most worth while things a person can do. As Plato himself wrote, 'a life unexamined is a life unlived.'"

"I am familiar with Plato, although the translation that I have read is 'the unexamined life is not worth living for a human being'."

"Mine has more of a ring to it."

Artemis sniffed.

Banks sighed. "I'm not going to pretend that this isn't a bias opinion. I'm a psychiatrist. Naturally I'm going to believe in the merits of my profession. Obviously I think that everyone should attend sessions and that psychology should be compulsory in schools. The truth usually lies somewhere in the middle."

"How clichéd," said Artemis.

Banks shrugged. "That doesn't diminish the argument, just my communication skills."

Artemis sighed. "Why would I need treatment from others who, frankly speaking, are beneath me?"

"Firstly remember what I told you about uniqueness and equality? Some professionals are bound to know more about psychiatry than you and–"

"Professionals like you?" Artemis cut in with a patronising little smile.

Banks shrugged again. "It's certainly possible."

Artemis frowned again.

"You see," Banks continued, "the other reason is that you're too close to yourself. An outside perspective _may_ be of some help."

Artemis frowned. "Then where does that leave these sessions, if continued treatment is merely your personal opinion of something which _may_ be good for me?"

Banks' expression became serious. "I'm happy to sign on the dotted line and give you a nice big 'sane' stamp. That should satisfy your school. But as soon as you start acting out, you'll be back with me, or more likely, someone who hasn't written you off as fine."

Artemis knew that 'acting out' was not a habit that he was going to suppress. He would not suffer fools and if that meant pointing out a teacher's faults or mistakes in front of the class, then so be it. If there was pressing business to attend to during school hours, then school would always be a second priority. Eventually one of his teachers would complain and a behavioural or personality disorder would be blamed. Then the cycle would continue again. Ad infinitum. Artemis sighed.

Banks gave his patient an appraising look. "Off the record, you could always keep up your sessions here, treatment notwithstanding. You could even take up my offer of perusing the bookshelf. They couldn't send you to yet another psychiatrist if you're already seeing me."

"A highly effective smoke screen and it certainly wouldn't do your paycheque any harm either," Artemis pointed out. His smile took the edge off his words.

"I'm only thinking of the wellbeing of my patient," Banks smirked.

Artemis snorted.

It was a tempting offer, but… "I think I'd rather take that 'nice big sane stamp', thank you," said Artemis.

Banks sighed. "Well, if you ever feel the desire to talk…"

Artemis gave a genuine sort of smile. "You'll be the first to know."

Banks blinked. Then he inclined his head. "Thank you, Artemis."

Artemis shrugged.

"I'll have a certificate drawn up for you. I assume you'll want to hand it over to the principal in person," Banks stated with a wry smile.

"You read my mind, doctor."

Artemis was still smiling when he left the room, but it had become somewhat more sardonic. After all, this was the final battle in their war and Artemis had won. It was an unconventional victory, but a victory nonetheless.

He had revealed nothing significant to Banks and had still managed to acquire professional certification of his sanity. This meant that instead of having a new succession of psychiatrists, or worse yet psychologists, to break, he had a few months of relative freedom before his school created a new ultimatum and forced him to seek another professional.

Artemis decided that he would continue to retire incompetent counsellors when the opportunity presented itself, but the competent professionals would be spared. Such individuals would recognise that there was nothing for them to cure and report back to the school that he was essentially sane. This way he would have periods of respite without well-intentioned and pointless interruption.

It wasn't as if he had spared Banks out of any sense of humanitarianism, or even respect, it was just neater and more efficient this way. Artemis was nothing if not efficient.

~X~

**The End**

**Thank you, all**


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